If he only knew

 I am the type of person that can’t do anything half ass. I am always all in or not at all. This includes love. 

I love beyond measure. I place my heart in the person’s hand for them to care for it. How they care for it is up to them. I expect them to care for it the way I would care for theirs. That’s not always the case. Love comes in many forms and my expectations follow those forms. 

My sons are my breath. I love them in such a way that I would give them my last breath. I raised them to be independent and to move on to create their own little worlds. I think I did a fine job. As well or better than my parents did. 

My parents are a part of me. Without them, I wouldn’t know how to love and how not to love. I learned both sides of the coin from them.

I love my friends and would give the shirt off my back to help them. 

In my life I have loved one man with all of my heart. He makes me feel whole. He disturbs my soul. Sometimes in a bad way, some times in a good way. I would make him the center of my world ( he has told me he doesn’t want that). We have been married twice. We are dating now. I am not the center of his world, nor have I ever been. I give more than I get. Some say I need to leave him alone because of the way he treats me sometimes. People do not understand that I will take the tidbits he gives me as often as he gives them. And I will wait for the next bit.

I have given up hope that I will ever be a priority in his life. I have given up hope that he would make me the center of his world or that he would love me the way Christ loved the church ( Ephesians 5:25). I will take what he can give each and every time. I can’t expect others to love as whole hearted as I do. 

My heart belongs to him and  I will accept him the way he is. I will accept his love the way he can give it and the amount he can give. 


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